The feeling of being overwhelmed and loneliness continues to linger. We've made progress in the house yet I still feel a sense of emptiness. I've reached out through FaceBook to an expat group for help & suggestions and it did help some. I'm struggling to find purpose and some joy while doubting if our move here to Cyprus was the right choice. Strange when I'm away I miss it so much yet when I'm here I feel so alone.

This morning I'm meeting up with an aquientence at IKEA. It's 10:21 am and the restaurant area is packed with seniors. It's interesting to sit and watch. So many people, some deep in conversation, others just sitting there looking into space. I wonder how many arranged marriages of the past are happy. I see so many bitter faces and I can't help but ask myself what story they hold.

      My shipment of personal belongings and house ware from the states has arrived and I feel totally over whelmed. Next week it will be a month that we have our stuff and strangely I feel oppressed. Things that I thought I couldn't live without are still sitting in my living room waiting to be put away but strangely I don't find then essential any more. My closet & dresser are filled and yet I still have more stuff to put away and nowhere to put it. Combined with this increasing feeling of suffocation is the feeling of impotence that is ever growing. I've longed to move to Cyprus for so many years and for the first time I begin to doubt if it was the right thing to do. I love the sights the country in it self but the people have changed so greatly that it is no longer the Cyprus of my youth. Road rage has increased, people for he most part are so rude, the family unit is disintegrating, respect for women is at it's lowest and people taking pride in their work is becoming non existent.

      We live in a village in a small 3 bedroom home that due to its age is in need of repair. Though people complain that there is no work when you call someone to come to your home for an estimate they only schedule around their time never trying to meet your schedule. When an estimate is given they don't provide any information on the exact day of completion of the project and get very angry when you ask for detail, dates or other information on things that you will end up paying for. Chatting with acquaintances and mentioning my observations, the general reply that I get is that the Cypriot people suffered during this past recession and this has changed them. Well I ask you haven't others in various countries suffered as well yet they are still courteous & polite.

      As the days progress I look forward to the immediate family (my husband & children) excursions around the island that usually occur on weekends. The occasional coffee with friends (all foreigners married to Cypriot men). My days are spent home, accompanying my husband on random errands, attending weekly Greek language lessons, taking my daughter to after school activities, slowly putting together a local pottery shop we have decided to open and just waiting for the weekend. Here it's a much simpler life but at the same time a lonelier one. For now I try to focus on my immediate family, taking time for myself, determining what the future may hold. My writing has taken a back seat as I'm uninspired. Only 4 chapters into book 2 and I just can't focus on which way I will guide the story of Fran, Conn and Erik. My thoughts are jumbled at times, filled with deadlines (drop off, pick up, meal times, needed repairs, etc...) I wish I could just escape alone to some quiet village and just be.

Shipment

I'm very excited as my personal belongings have arrived in Cyprus this week. Now we need to deal with all the red tape and transportation so they are delivered to my home. This Christmas the house will be full of boxes that need unpacking. Hoping to get some help and maybe get everything unpacked by New Years Eve. Only problem is that it takes so long to coordinate things here that we don't have shelves to put books and other items in.

Needless to say but I'm still thankful to be here and have my own things.

Complete Change

To say that I've done a 360 is leaving a lot out. I've had so many things on hold as I took a leap of faith and followed my dreams. I've been visiting Cyprus for the past 24 years and now I have finally made it my home. The transition has been exciting but at the same time overwhelming. As my wonderful husband and best friend deals with all the paperwork in his homeland, I find myself struggling at times. An increasing need to learn the language has overcome me and a desire to really be part of this community is a driving force. I haven't written more yet as establishing yourself and family in a new place leaves no time for anything else. As I enter my 7th week here things have slowly calmed down and I find myself once again inspired to continue to tell Fran's story.

Stop Asking Permission

We go through life first asking our parents for permission and seeking approval. We go to school and again are taught to ask for permission and approval. We fall in love and we again seek approval. In the process many of us loose sense of who we really are and what makes up happy. We

The Power of a Song

Why is it that we associate songs to situations or people? For my music is so powerful and it can change my emotional state quickly. I once had someone look at my playlist and comment that they were really great songs but all sad love songs. This morning on the radio "Someone Like You" by Adele played and though it's a beautiful song it made me so sad for so many reasons. I think we all have those trigger songs that make us sad but we can't stop ourselves from listening to them or even singing along.

The video to the song is also touching: https://youtu.be/hLQl3WQQoQ0

On the Road to Change.

As you rediscover yourself, you struggle with who you were and who you want to be. For me it's been a long processes as I tend to please those that I love but I've come to realize that sometimes you need to please yourself. I won't lie I struggle with standing up for myself when those that I love are negative or hurtful. It's a difficult thing to do as you struggle with your feelings and how you feel towards the other person but if you don't standup for yourself it will never stop. The first few times it's difficult and you get push back from others but stand tall. After a while you just get stronger and the others start realizing that they can no longer order you around or impose their views. Stay strong & believe in yourself.